MY FEELINGS RL/SL

PART 1

I have made a decision.  Last night SL took me back in time to my boy hood. I had a feeling last night that was like I felt as a boy.  I went to the Jungle Boys Blue Lagoon and did just as I did as a boy and young man growing up. I stood in front of the sign for the Rumble for a long time and did as I did as a boy working up the nerve to go. I took the TP to the Rumble and arrived in a bare room at the site.  I walked around and saw a hall of sorts and slowly wondered down that hall.  In the distance I saw dancing.  I was for some reason nervous.  This feeling was like those I had growing up in RL.  To me a very strange and real feeling.  I got to the open iron gate into the dance area.  I stood there all evening and watched and listened, just as I did as a boy.  I did not feel comfortable or at ease to walk the rest of the way in just as I did as a boy.  I enjoyed the music and conversation I heard, just as I did as a boy.  Yet could not bring myself to take part, just as I did as a  boy.

I have a strong desire to try and explain these feelings for I am sure there must be someone out there with the same problem and for them to know they are not alone will help them.

I am not a good communicator.  I have tried to write these feelings down before but when I go back and read them I delete them.  The feeling last night was so strong that I feel I must attempt this.  I am one to complete what ever project I start and so by posting this message I will have committed myself to follow through.

This will likely not be of interest to most but then it is my blog and I feel that I will feel better just expressing these feelings.  I will do this in several parts sense one must understand my feelings as a boy to understand me now.

Now I am committed to do this so bare with me for this is not required reading as you know. ..  Smile

PS:  I have never discussed these feelings with anyone so this will be tough for me.