MY FEELINGS RL/SL

Part 4

My mind is sort of in a whirl lately.  I go to bed at night and many thoughts start running through my mind..  My mind is in a strange mode as the result of my trying to find how I am in RL and SL and how one bleeds into the other.

I use Eddie Haskell’s site for the many links there and find a lot that sort of helps me to start to find myself.
This site means a lot to me. I visit all the blogs there and do not remember where I read this but, it sticks in my mind.  In the article the author talks about how groups in society has sort of boxed his mind in.  The facts here may not be exactly as he stated them but this is what I got or remember from it.  He talked about how he felt his mind was in a closed wooden box and that he was struggling to get out of that box and to free his mind.  That is truly how I feel.  I will in time find that article again and plan to comment on it there and maybe contact the writer to let him know that is a feeling I also have.

My mind is always running full speed, it seems, and many strange ways that I try to reason out some of the feelings I have.  Was cutting grass, with all this rain it is way behind.  I have a large front yard and a nice large back yard.  The front yard I  keep up for those who pass by.  The grass is thick and is hard to cut. I cut grass with a power push mower.  I do that for several reasons.  It is good for me and I can think about many things while doing so.  I think best on my feet.  I must at lest wear shots in the front yard, but cut the back yard nude. Well today, while cutting grass a bird flew by.  My mind went off into the wild blue yonder as usual.  I got to thinking about my feelings as to my life. I sot of sensed a feeling that in some ways, like the mind in a box, explains how I am. I am sure that you have seen a nest of baby birds being taken care of my the parent birds.  Comes the day when the birds must learn to fly and leave the nest.  I am in a way one of those birds.  Most do fine, but sometime one has problems getting his wings.  I feel that I am that bird. I left the nest but having trouble learning to fly.  I have make up my mind I will.

I have many hang ups in my mind that are not as they should be.  Looking back over life I feel these started early in life.  Actually by my mother.  Do not get me wrong, I love her and do not blame here.  I was a child and being her child it is her right to raise me as she  best.  I still strongly believe in this.  Her intentions were good, but I was different and tried to hard to be here good little boy.  Trying so hard to be her good little boy is something that is locked in my mind to this day.   Enough on that for now will try to explain that as time goes on.

I am sure many who meet me think I am shy and very reserved.  That is only the external feeling.  I am different in my mind. Want to be free. I will fly and become free. 

Have a great SL and RL