Part 5
Well I am just a ordinary man and this is how I think my Phobia, the fear of touch, came about.
Now do not get me wrong I loved my parents, and believe they loved me. As with any parent they had to right to raise me as they felt was best.
My Mother had just turned 18 and my Dad 21, when I was born into RL. Her house, to her, was very important. My Dad was a good man and worked hard and many hours to supports us. He also loved to drink. He was a good man and did not miss-treat us. The problem was he did not spend mush time doing things with us. He worked a lot of night shift and had to sleep most of the days. We had to quietly play in the house with our cars and trucks. Then between the time he got up and went to work he had reasons to go somewhere on chores which included time at the bars. I do not put him down for drinking. Sometimes he would take me with him, but I would sit in the car while he was in the bar, sometimes for a long period of time.
My Mother was very strict in many ways. The house had to be clean at all times. Every Sat. she would move all the furniture and clean all the floors. She cooked three meals a day, but she was cleaning the kitchen up and washing dishes as soon as we ate. Every one used to tease, when you eat at her house hold on to your plate. Now she was also strict as to keeping me clean and my cloths clean. If we did go someplace we had to wait until the house was clean and straight. We just could not make it to places like a street fair when it came to town. That is not normal for a boy. I was called her good little boy and that became important to me. It became an obsession. When we would visit my grandmother and that was about the only place we went. I would sit on the couch like a little gentleman. They also felt that children were to be seen and not heard. Man was I a good little boy.
This is where my phobia developed. I remember that when my Mother would give me a good night kiss on my forehead, I had such a strong feeling that I had to wipe that off and when no one was looking my hand wiped it off. If someone would shake my hand I had to swipe my hand on my pant leg. I could hardly wait to wipe that off.
I remember as a boy going to school and at recess just stand out side the rear door to the playground and watch others play. Two things at play here, I am my Mother’s good little boy, and the fear of touch. This was a true hang up for me. I truly needed help and no one paid mush attention to the fact that I had a problem. When I graduated high school the caption under my class photo was “Man of Few Words”.
In my early 20’s I realized that this was a real problem and with a lot of effort got over it.
Now at my birth into SL, I could look at myself and see a problem that I thought was cured. That is the second part of the “fear of touch, phobia”. The fear of touching someone. As one expressed this, a feeling a fear of invading someone’s space.
This is rather long and I will end part 5 here and then try to explain the problem of touch as it is now, in part 6.
Have a great RL and SL.
FRAR OF TOUCH - PART 1
Well I am just a ordinary man and this is how I think my Phobia, the fear of touch, came about.
Now do not get me wrong I loved my parents, and believe they loved me. As with any parent they had to right to raise me as they felt was best.
My Mother had just turned 18 and my Dad 21, when I was born into RL. Her house, to her, was very important. My Dad was a good man and worked hard and many hours to supports us. He also loved to drink. He was a good man and did not miss-treat us. The problem was he did not spend mush time doing things with us. He worked a lot of night shift and had to sleep most of the days. We had to quietly play in the house with our cars and trucks. Then between the time he got up and went to work he had reasons to go somewhere on chores which included time at the bars. I do not put him down for drinking. Sometimes he would take me with him, but I would sit in the car while he was in the bar, sometimes for a long period of time.
My Mother was very strict in many ways. The house had to be clean at all times. Every Sat. she would move all the furniture and clean all the floors. She cooked three meals a day, but she was cleaning the kitchen up and washing dishes as soon as we ate. Every one used to tease, when you eat at her house hold on to your plate. Now she was also strict as to keeping me clean and my cloths clean. If we did go someplace we had to wait until the house was clean and straight. We just could not make it to places like a street fair when it came to town. That is not normal for a boy. I was called her good little boy and that became important to me. It became an obsession. When we would visit my grandmother and that was about the only place we went. I would sit on the couch like a little gentleman. They also felt that children were to be seen and not heard. Man was I a good little boy.
This is where my phobia developed. I remember that when my Mother would give me a good night kiss on my forehead, I had such a strong feeling that I had to wipe that off and when no one was looking my hand wiped it off. If someone would shake my hand I had to swipe my hand on my pant leg. I could hardly wait to wipe that off.
I remember as a boy going to school and at recess just stand out side the rear door to the playground and watch others play. Two things at play here, I am my Mother’s good little boy, and the fear of touch. This was a true hang up for me. I truly needed help and no one paid mush attention to the fact that I had a problem. When I graduated high school the caption under my class photo was “Man of Few Words”.
In my early 20’s I realized that this was a real problem and with a lot of effort got over it.
Now at my birth into SL, I could look at myself and see a problem that I thought was cured. That is the second part of the “fear of touch, phobia”. The fear of touching someone. As one expressed this, a feeling a fear of invading someone’s space.
This is rather long and I will end part 5 here and then try to explain the problem of touch as it is now, in part 6.
Have a great RL and SL.
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